


5 seconds

by SummerEyes



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Inspired by Hotarubi no Mori e, M/M, Sad Ending, please bear with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerEyes/pseuds/SummerEyes
Summary: Tanuma Kaname, a boy who can feel youkais' presence, meets with a half-youkai named Natsume that changes his loner life
Relationships: Natsume Takashi/Tanuma Kaname
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	5 seconds

Even since Tanuma was small, he could feel something that others’ didn’t. Sometimes he could see shadows, they weren’t humans .He used to tell others’ about those shadows, but nobody could see them. Were they what they call youkai? Are youkai even real? He was the only person who could see them. Was he the peculiar one here? Because of the strong aura of youkai, whenever they were near him, he would have severe headaches or get sick. Even doctors couldn’t cure his illness. How could they, these aren’t humans anyway. This world is full of mysteries, it was also another mystery to him. Being mostly sick and saying things about ‘weird shadows’ other kids found him weir, he still had a few friends. Having no mother and a busy priest father, he was always alone. He barely had friends, so he was mostly alone, all by himself. His father frequently moved places for his work, so he could never get close to anyone. He was called ‘weird’ all the time, so he was all by himself, alone, playing some indoor games or manga, or studying by himself.   
Recently Tanuma and his father had moved to a village Yatsuhara, a forest known for having youkai and spirits. His headaches are more frequent here, he made himself get used to it anyway, like he always did. He isn’t good with people, so he couldn’t gain any new friends at school.   
His current house is at Yatsuhara forest, behind a temple. It is huge. There are many places at home where he nor his father never went to.   
It is summer now. It is a moonlit night. As usual, Tanuma’s father is out for a business trip. He is studying at his room. He looked at the window while looking at the moon. It was round, shining more than anything there. In the black starry sky, the bright moon looked like the prettiest thing of this world. When he looked back at the yard, suddenly he saw a silver haired boy around his age, wearing blue shirt. Under the moon’s bright light, his silver haired is looking like it was shining brightly. His green eyes shining bright like a jade made him looked like the prettiest person in the world. Tanuma was getting lost in those eyes. Then he suddenly thought, “Wait, who’s that? What are they doing here at our yard anyway?” 

Tanuma goes to the boy. He was even prettier from close. He asks,”What are you doing here? Who are you, anyway?”   
The boy is surprised and he replies,”You can see me?”   
“Eh? What do you mean? I can clearly see you!” Tanuma said.  
He smiles and says, “Oh. You’re the first human who can clearly see me.”  
“Eh? Human? What do you mean? You’re not a youkai, are you?”   
“I guess I can tell him.” The mysterious boy thinks to himself. He calmly says, “No, I’m not a human, I’m a half-youkai. So humans cannot see me. People with spiritual powers are an exception, though.”   
“SO YOU’RE A YOUKAI?” he screams, Then he apologizes for yelling and says, ”Oh, I’m so sorry, it is my first time talking to a youkai, so I got kind of excited, ”he adds a smile to his face. “What are you doing bere so late at night?” Tanuma asks. “Just some errand with other youkai, they said there is a new exorcist who’s exorcising all youkai of the forest, I was just going to see them. I didn’t know a human started to live here.”  
“Could it be my father? You see, I’m weak to spirits and youkai. Those being near me makes me have headaches so he was chanting some spell for me.” Then Tanuma suddenly noticed. This boy was near him yet he didn’t feel sick or have any headache. “Why I don’t feel any pain near him?” he thinks to himself.   
“Not all youkai are bad, so could you please tell him not to exorcise them?”   
“It’s okay, I will tell him”   
“Guess my work is done here, then. See you again, human”   
He waves at the black haired boy and goes back to the forest.   
He is the first person of his age he talked to after coming here. Even if he was a youkai, Tanuma is still delighted to be able to talk to him. “Crap, I forgot to ask his name”, he says and sighs as he goes back to the room. “What was that, anyway?” he thinks to himself. Then he finishes his studies and goes back to sleep. He thinks about that beautiful and mysterious youkai boy. Tanuma could only see faint shadows sometimes, but he could see him clearly. Why did that happen? Because he was a half youkai? What half-youkai even is, anyway? He had a lot of unanswered questions.   
When he went to sleep, he could see that boy in his dream. He was really weak. There was no one who could help him. He was alone, no humans could also see him. Bullied by other youkai for being weak, it all felt similar. 

The next day is Sunday, so he wanders around the forest to find him. He couldn’t find the boy anywhere. He tries to find him every day. He couldn’t find him anywhere. But he kept seeing him in his dreams. He was miserable, suffered, alone, all by himself. Was his brain tricking him? Did he ever see that boy? Could all of that be a dream? Not to mention, he was so beautiful. Too beautiful, as if he was an angel. Someone this pretty can exist. That kind smile, those silvery hair, those green eyes, that gentle voice-the more he thought, the more he got overwhelmed by the silver haired boy’s beauty.   
One week passes, Tanuma is still searching that boy. “Was it a dream, perhaps?” he thinks to himself. But he can’t help himself. He feels like he would lose something really precious if he doesn’t search for him, he can’t but think that way. So he is trying to find him, at any cost.   
Many days’ passes, probably a month already passes. He almost gives up on finding that mysterious boy. When he was losing all of his hopes, he found a small ray of hope. At night, he saw that boy again. He was pretty as ever. Tanuma rushes to him when he finally found him. He was in such hurry that he bumps into the tree. The boy doesn’t even try to pull him when he fell.  
“You can at least have mercy on me!” Tanuma says.  
The boy smiles and says, “I can’t touch humans. If I do, I will disappear.”  
To see if he’s lying or not, he tries to catch the boy. But he couldn’t catch him at all. Then the boy runs away. “Crap, after so long when I found him, I let him run away. When will I see him again? Will I even see him again?” he says with a sigh.

The next day at morning, he sees that boy again. He was trying to run away. Then Tanuma goes to the boy and says, “Don’t run away. I won’t touch you, I understand.”   
His father sees him talking by himself at the yard. “Why are you talking by yourself this hour at morning?”   
“Sorry, dad, I’m coming to help.”   
“It’s okay.”   
He really isn’t a human. Natsume trusts him and goes with him. They sit in front a tree. He goes near that boy and says, “Want to talk?” That boy shyly says, “Yes.”   
Tanuma smiles and says, “So, let’s start. Tell me your name”   
The boy replied,”Natsume ”. He paused. Then he said again, “Natsume Takashi…. And, what about you?”   
Tanuma replied, “My name is Kaname Tanuma. Nice to meet you, Natsume-kun.”  
“Just Natsume is okay,” Natsume tells to Tanuma

Natsume says, “So, Tanuma-kun, how long have you been here?”   
“It hasn’t been that long. Just four months since I moved here. And also...” he pauses. “Just call me Tanuma, it’s okay.”   
“So…are we friends now?”   
“If you say so!” Tanuma says with a big smile. Seeing the black haired boy’s smile, Natsume blushes a little, he tries to hide it. “You are my first friend here!” Tanuma says. Natsume says, “It’s been four months since you’re here, then why didn’t you get any friend?” “You know I get sick when youkai are around and also I can feel them, so students find me weird and don’t talk to me much.” “Aah...” Natsume says and pauses. “You’re the first human who could see me fully, other people with spiritual powers could only see faintly or a shadow.” “You are the first youkai that doesn’t make me sick being around.” “So we are both exceptions to each other, huh?” Natsume says as both of them laughs together. “I tried to find you for a long time but I couldn’t find any traces at all, why is that?” “I live at the other side of the forest, so you couldn’t find me.”   
Tanuma sees his father trying to find him for breakfast. He goes to Natsume and tells him, “Dad is calling, sorry I have to go now. I know where you are now, so don’t hide from me again, I will find you then!” Natsume laughs and goes back to the forest. Tanuma keeps smiling by looking at the way the silver haired boy goes to.   
Another day passes. Natsume comes back. They talk while walking at the forest again.  
“So, what is a half-youkai?”  
“Someone who’s not fully a human nor a youkai. My grandma was a human. She fell in love with a youkai and made love with him. Luckily, my mom was a human, but I turned out to be a half-youkai so they abandoned me here. Ever since then, the youkai here took care of me. I was raised by them.”   
“Oh, I see.”  
Both of them pauses for a moment. None of them had a decent conversation with others before. Both of them were confused about what they should say now.   
Natsume asks, “So, how was your day, Tanuma?   
He replies, “It was okay. I saw a shadow of some woman’s today. It looked pretty.”   
Natsume thinks. “Could it be Hinoe?” he accidentally says it aloud.   
“So you know her?”   
“Aaah yes..she can be really protective and clingy, but she’s nice in overall.”   
“Hey, youkai can touch you easily, right?”   
“Yes….as I was raised by them abandoned from humans, I’ve become weaker to them. This happens to any half youkai.”   
“Have you ever seen any other half-youkai?”   
“No.”   
Natsume looks a bit sad when he said that. So Tanuma tried to change the topic .He says, “Tell me more about the forest.”  
Natsume tells him about Yatsuhara. He says how big it is, how scary the forest is at night, about the beautiful youkai pond around Tanuma’s house, about the red fishes being around the pond. Tanuma said he can faintly see the shadow of the pond.

He kept seeing Natsume in his dream. It was his past, his loneliness, his pains and sufferings. Then he got his grandma’s possession, which is protected by his bodyguard, Madara. He wanted Natsume himself to talk about it, so he never said anything about it. Nor he never told Natsume about the dreams he saw. Both of them were hiding something, at some point. 

Days passed, months passed, and a whole year passed like this. Any season, any day, Natsume would come for him. Every day they would talk about many things wandering around the forest. Natsume might’ve seemed rude first, but he was a really kind person at heart. Are all youkai like that? For some reason Tanuma didn’t get frequently sick nor have headaches since he regularly started to meet Natsume. All seasons started to get more interesting around him. The fruitfulness of summer,the orangey days of fall, the icy winter with a cozy atmosphere, the warmth of spring- everything seemed pretty. How did he never see the beauty of nature before? Natsume was just as pretty as nature. Through time, Tanuma got more and more into Natsume. His curiosity turned into love. It felt as if talking to Natsume was the only thing that was important in his life. He never wants to lose him. Again he has to frequently move, so he doesn’t know how long he is going to be here, by his side.  
“Would Natsume be all alone without me? Oh, there are youkai for him. The one who’s all alone is only me. Though I got some friends at school, all of them feel really distant. I don’t know how long can I go like this. I really love Natsume, how can I even avoid these feelings? He’s just being considerate to me for being a loner. I wish I could touch him, take him to my arms and embrace him, let him share his pain with me and-.” He stops thinking. He’s the one being the pathetic idiot here. All Natsume did was from kindness, and he’s pathetically falling for him? Even imagining how narrow his thoughts were making himself feel disgusted. 

Natsume also thought that Tanuma was very kind. He was one of the nicest person he ever met, also the very first person who could see him fully. He was the He was falling for Tanuma and his kindness. He wished that he wasn’t like this. He wished that he could touch humans. He never felt this way before. He wished that he could go near Tanuma, hold his hand, and hug him. Is this love? Falling in love with a human is suicidal. “How long can I go feeling like this? Or I have to run away?” 

It’s summer now. Tanuma’s school is closed for summer vacation now. He is happy that he can spend more time with Natsume and needlessly talk to him, all day. He was so happy to finally have something to look forward to.   
On the last day of vacation, Natsume hesitantly asks, “D-do you want to go to the summer festival with me? It’s at the youkai realm, so you can see the youkai there and you wouldn’t feel dizzy by the youkai there.”   
Tanuma smiles. Yes, that’s what I could ask for. This is the best thing to happen! Though he had a really bad thought about it. He replies, “Yes, I’d be happy to go there!”   
Natsume smiles. “Then tomorrow at evening.”   
Tanuma couldn’t keep himself patient at all. He was really excited to go. He never thought something like this would happen! He could barely keep his patience, even while having dinner with his dad, he seemed happy. “Something good happened?” his father suddenly asks.   
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about.” he says and keeps grinning. “I will go to festival with a friend tomorrow, so I might be late.” Then his dad smiles and pats on his shoulders saying, “I’ve never seen you this excited. Coming here was a good decision, to see you happy like this.”   
The next day finally came. Just 1 day felt like 10 years long to him. He was so excited to go somewhere other than wandering on that forest with Natsume. He was wearing yukata, hair organized. He started to get red. “God, he is looking like an angel,” he thinks.   
Tanuma somehow hides his blush and says, “You look good.”   
Natsume replies, “You look really good in yukata too.” He meant it. Tanuma really looked nice, it’s almost as if nobody could look any better than him wearing that. Both of them starts to smile then. After that, they head for the festival. 

It is Tanuma’s first time seeing a youkai festival. He thought youkai looks scary, but all of them looked like human? Before he goes to ask Natsume about it, Natsume says, “All youkai come disguising as human here. Human festival is held near it, so humans accidentally enter the festival sometimes.” “Oh..I was going to ask you about that!” Tanuma replies with a smile. No matter how much he tried to hide it, there was a faint blush on his cheek all the time. He just couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty Natsume looked.   
Natsume ties his hand with Tanuma and says, “Don’t get lost in the crowds!”   
Tanuma blushes a bit and says, “It’s like a date.”   
Natsume replies, “It IS one!”   
Tanuma looks at him with surprise and gets flushed with red, then he smiles. Natsume thinks, “Did I say something wrong!?!?” 

Both of them have fun in the festival. They played many of those festival games, had takoyaki, apple candy and many other tasty foods.   
Oh, Natsume looked too beautiful. He just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. He wanted to tell Natsume that he likes him really bad.   
Tanuma buys a mask and gifts it to Natsume. Natsume wears it and then he kisses the silver haired boy’s forehead on the mask.  
“I like you, Natsume.”   
Getting surprised, Natsume smiles under the mask. Then he replies, “Yeah, me too.”   
Tanuma never expected this. He thought he would be rejected right away. He was so happy that he couldn’t express in words.   
“Come with me!” They walk beside each other by saying nothing for long. Natsume takes him to the edge of the hill. There were barely people and the fireworks are going to start now. They could see the whole forest from the mountains. It looked pretty. It all felt like a dream to Tanuma, it felt too miraculous, too unrealistic. He was so scared of losing him, so scared. All happiness has an end, after all. He had a feeling that this was the last time he would spend time with Natsume. He was scared, really scared. 

Natsume says, “My grandma, Natsume Reiko, was a human. She would always have duel with youkai and make them write their names in a book, it’s called yuujinchou. You can control all youkai listed there. But only someone from her bloodline return the names. My goal is to return all the names to those youkai. I was scared of telling you about it till now.”   
Is this the ‘possession’ he dreamed about? They weren’t all meaningless dreams after all. He knew it.   
Tanuma says, “Thanks for telling me. I’m glad that you could trust me.” “It’s not about trust, it’s just that-”he hesitates. Tanuma smiles and says, “Don’t tell me if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force on you.”   
Suddenly they see a kid almost falling. Tauma goes to catch him, but Natsume catches the kid before him. “Be careful next time,” Natsume says with a smile. Then the kid hanks him and goes away. Then Natsume suddenly notices that the hand his hand was turning into fireflies. That kid was a human. It was his end. Finally, he can touch Tanuma, finally! 

Tanuma looks at him, looking surprised. “It’s not what I’m imagining, is it?” He thinks to himself.   
Natsume suddenly says, “Come here, Tanuma. Finally I can touch you.”   
Tanuma realizes that it was what he had imagined. It really was the last time.  
Fireworks start to illuminate. Tanuma goes close and hugs him really tight as he was slowly disappearing. Then he leans close to the silver haired boy’s face with teary eyes and at some point their lips meet. Tanuma closes his eyes and tears start to fall. Both of them were crying. His heart felt like it would burst from the numerous emotions. It was only 5 seconds. Those 5 seconds felt like the best thing that could happen to him. All happiness has an end. Till then, Natsume fully disappears into fireflies. He tries to catch the fireflies. He’s smiling. “Why could I be sad after kissing my loved one?” he says to himself.  
He remembers about times he spent with Natsume. The things they talked about, his pretty eyes, his gentle smile as he would speak, that small blush in his face, his soothing voice, the river they saw together, the places they wandered together, how he looked so happy while embracing him, the way Natsume would try to protect him from evil youkai. Tears are still falling from his eyes. He was looking at the sky, smiling. 

“I love you. I mean it. I will love you, even if you’re not around anymore. You gave me warmth and kindness, filled my loneliness. You were the first person I could openly talk about things that made me different from others, without any hesitation. Now I regret letting you go. I wish I could spend more time with you, make more memories with you. The time I spent with you will be precious to me forever. Days won’t be same anymore, I wouldn’t have anything to look forward to anymore. Going back to the forest will scare me. My chest will feel heavy. I would imagine you, sitting by the tree, waiting for me with a kind smile. Occasionally you would talk to other youkai which I wouldn’t see. You gave me a lot. You saved me.” 

Tanuma says, “Will my words ever reach you?” 

“Yes” he hears Natsume saying that. Then he sees Natsume, standing beside him. It was his imagination. Tanuma was aware of it. He was wearing that yukata, smiling at him. Natsume closes his eyes and tells Tanuma, “I saved you.”  
Natsume says, “If another world exists, I want to be with you there. We will see the fireflies, smile at them, holding our hands.”  
He knew it was his imagination, yet he tries to catch Natsume. He tries to catch him, but Natsume disappears.   
“Goodbye, Takshi.”   
“Thanks for everything.”

**Author's Note:**

> There might be typos, also, I'm not much good with words....sorry hehe  
> Leave a kudos if you liked it!


End file.
